Who is To Blame?
It is natural to lay blame for your separation on your spouse. It is also common to lay the whole blame on yourself. The truth is you probably both you and your spouse contributed to the marriage ending, at least to some extent.
Everyone makes mistakes. The challenge is to learn from your mistakes and then to forgive both yourself and your spouse. I know…. this is easier said than done.
Sometimes clients want to go to Court to get revenge. We understand. This is a natural response to the pain of divorce. The problem is the Court will not determine who is to blame. Pursuing vengeance will only result in higher legal fees and disappointment.
Likewise, others come to us feeling guilty and want to cave into every demand of their spouse. We tell these poor souls that caving in will result in much regret in the future and we try to help them see what is fair.
As lawyers, we know strong emotions (such as blame) can negatively affect negotiations. Even if you don’t want to go to court, getting help to deal with the emotions inherent to divorce is a good idea.
We believe you are best able to make rational decisions for yourself and your family when your emotions are not controlling the decision-making process.
An insightful book about the causes of separations and the ensuing insanity afterward is aptly called “Crazy Time” by Abigail Trafford. It is widely available and will really help you gain some insight.
We strongly encourage you to work with a Divorce Coach. He or she will help you understand the cause of your separation and help close the door on the past. Your Divorce Coach will help you move through the stages of divorce more quickly, prepare you for negotiations and teach you ways of communicating effectively with your spouse.
We can help you get through this difficult time by helping you get the support you need and helping you resolve the legal issues efficiently. Our lawyers can explain your options and help you make the best choices for yourself and your family. Call us for a consultation. We can help.