I just read an amazing blog by “The Jolly Mama”. It is an amazingly honest description of the emotional struggles of separation and divorce from someone going through it.
The title of her blog entry is “Kubler-Ross and My Life Lately” and here is a quote from it.
“What does any of this have to do with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross? She is the psychologist who identified the seven stages of grief, and that is what I have been experiencing for the past year. I don’t know if all of my emotions have necessarily been identical to the ones she classified. I’ve been so angry that I’m divorced. That I have to share my children, and I go days without them next to me. That I tried and tried and tried to be a cool wife and was always shut out. That what was lovely about me, my desire to be a helpmate, was rejected or looked upon with suspicion. So, this is not the life I wanted… but it is the life I have.”
If you are struggling with depression or grieving the end of your marriage, take heart, you are not alone. Everyone who goes through divorce experiences the same grief process. At Christmas and other special occasions, the pain of divorce can be worse.
I am a divorce lawyer yet when I went through my own divorce, it was devastating. I thought I would do okay being a divorce professional, yet I too went through the whole grieving process, just like everyone else. It was painful.
Pamela S. Wynn, a lawyer in Florida, writes a great blog with useful advice on how to get through the depressive feelings divorcing people experience especially during the holiday season. She suggests (I’m summarizing) the following:
- Be your own best friend.
- Focus on lifting the spirits of others.
- Integrate – don’t isolate.
- Initiate new holiday traditions.
I would add to Pamela’s list… “Find and work with a Divorce Coach”.
Using a divorce coach does not mean you are suffering from a mental illness or that you are weak in some way. They will not engage you in therapy. They simply help you understand and move through the emotional stages of divorce more quickly. Time heals everything but who wants to wait around! Go see a divorce coach. I did.