Are you going through a divorce? Do you sometimes feel like you are losing your mind? Maybe you can’t concentrate or you are constantly feeling like you are about to cry? Maybe you are drinking too much? Or working too hard? Or shopping too much? Maybe you have been willing to try anything to cope and now you worry you might have a problem… maybe even an addiction.
I remember when I went through my own divorce I felt all alone and my whole world had been turned upside down. I was scared and sad and I am a divorce lawyer! I remember meeting with clients and struggling to keep myself from exploding in tears. To say the least, it was a tremendously stressful time. I thought I was going crazy.
It is normal to resort to unhealthy coping techniques when going through a divorce. Almost everyone does it at least once so don’t beat yourself up. When you drink too much or shop too much or do some other behaviour, it distracts you from the pain of your divorce. Nobody can blame you for slipping off the wagon once in a while. When it becomes an addiction, you have a bigger problem though. Either way, you need help and you need to develop healthy coping techniques.
If you fear that you have an addiction problem, Robert L. Mues has put together a list of links to 26 different assessment tools in his recent blog. Check it out! He lists assessment tools for depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, compulsive shopping and 22 other issues. They are all available on the internet and are a good start to dealing with any issues you might have in your life. Get professional help if you feel you may have an addiction. You can’t deal with it alone. Start with your family doctor. You can’t conquer addictions alone. Alcoholics Anonymous is a classic example. They use peer support (meetings) and the buddy system to support those who want to kick their addiction.
Maybe you don’t have an addiction and you just are struggling through the normal emotions of your divorce. It’s a difficult time for anyone. We recommend to all of our clients they work with a Divorce Coach. It is normal to grieve at the end of your marriage and a Divorce Coach will help you work through the normal emotions inherent to your divorce faster, so you can get on with your life.
Lawyers are not trained to help you work through the emotional journey. We want you to get the support you need so you can get through the emotional journey more quickly and efficiently.
Your Divorce Coach will help you find healthy coping techniques that will work for you. Maybe it’s getting exercise, eating good food, searching out support from friends and family, reading inspiring books, journaling or some other technique. Your Divorce Coach will give you ideas, homework and help you move through the emotional stages of divorce so you can get on with your life faster.
A Divorce Coach is not just if you are suffering from mental illness. That’s a therapist. A Divorce
Coach is for anyone going through a divorce who is human and experiences emotions. Hmmm, Does that fit you?
From a lawyer’s point of view, I want all my clients to work with a Divorce Coach so that the emotions inherent to your divorce won’t sidetrack the negotiations. I want you to have the best chance of negotiating an excellent settlement.
Your Divorce Coach will teach you the stages of divorce, ways to close the door on the past, how to cope with the transition, ways of communicating effectively with your spouse and help you look forward to a new life.
The bottom line: I have never had a client say they regret the money or time they spent with their Divorce Coach. Everyone has thanked me for the recommendation. Now, just take a deep breath and do it.