I just stumbled upon a wonderful new blog jointly authored by two parents sharing joint custody of their children. It is honest, heartfelt, insightful and engaging. The authors are New Yorkers Magda Pecsenye and Douglas French.
Their blog is called “When the Flame Goes Up”.
Here is an excerpt from a blog posting by the father, Doug French, talking about the state of his relationship with his now ex-wife and co-parent (and co-author) Magda Pecsenye.
… I’m not in love with her anymore, and that ship has sunk.
I don’t say that lightly, because not being in love with the mother of my kids is a drag. Ever since I was a young adult, I had visualized a specific event in my head. It was to attend my youngest kid’s college graduation, look over at my wife, my life partner, plant a big kiss on her and say, “We did it.” We stayed together, we weathered the storms, and we did all we could to raise emotionally stable kids who can function in the adult world.
I spent a long time mourning what I perceived was the loss of that, but when you think about it, it’s still sort of partially possible. All that’s really missing is the kiss, the most expendable pigment in the painting.
Doug and Magda were interviewed by the Globe and Mail about their experience blogging together. It is worth a glance too. The comments are negative. I like the blog. I think it is helpful for someone who is trying to establish their own shared custody regime just to get a sense of the struggle; the ups and downs of co-parenting.
I think the bottom line message from this couple is that when you go through a divorce and you have children, it’s never completely over. You still have to parent together, so you might as well get on with it as best you can. I like it.