Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in a marriage that seems to be headed nowhere. Other times, we are faced with a difficult situation such as emotional abuse or infidelity. Regardless of your particular situation, there is no simple solution or easy fix. When a marriage breaks down, it usually involves several factors, with both parties at least partially at fault. No two situations are alike so it’s difficult to give a one-size fits all answer.
Infidelity and Emotional Betrayal
Infidelity is a common problem indeed. Statistically between 30 and 60 percent of individuals engage in infidelity at least once in their marriage. Interestingly enough, you would think that this means there are more divorces but this is not true. Since 2006, divorce has been on the decline. These statistics show that more couples are working out their differences so that may be an option for you.
Keep in mind that in order for this to be an option, both parties must make a concentrated effort to move beyond the transgression. Your husband must be open, honest and remorseful. If you can repair the issues that are causing the emotional distance and if you can overcome feelings of betrayal and emotional loss your marriage may be worth saving.
This is not to say that your husband deserves a pass, far from it. if he is unwilling to engage in real, honest, discourse on how he can change his behavior, it won’t work. If he is unwilling to shoulder responsibility of the infidelity, there is little chance he will do what is necessary to mend the marriage.
Of course there are clear-cut cases when divorce is always the answer, no matter what the reason. When physical or emotional abuse enters the relationship, it is time to leave. No matter how much you may love your husband, if he is abusing you or your children in any way, it is time to file for divorce and get you and your family out of harm’s way.
Victims of abuse can feel trapped, un-loved, and in some cases even the emotional abuse does turn physical. Thoughts of suicide are not uncommon. There is no way to overstate the importance of leaving an abusive situation. The damage that is left behind from any form of abuse is devastating and leads to irreparable harm if allowed to continue, especially for children.
The Divorce Process
The hardest part of divorce is deciding that you will move forward with the process. Once that first step is taken, it becomes much easier. If you are worried about a long, drawn out process, don’t be. In fact, over 50% of divorce cases are finished within 6 months and less than 30% extend beyond the first year. If you know what results you want, the process becomes even easier. Most of the divorce proceedings involve paperwork and this is usually handled by your attorney. Of course, if there are children involved, you need to decide how you are going to handle custody but this too, is greatly helped by hiring a good divorce attorney.
The silver lining in all of this is that it does not have to be a painful process, if you plan ahead, make a plan of action and stick to it. Chances are that within a year, it will all be over with and you will be able to start a new chapter in your life.
Please contact us if you have any questions about divorce, please contact us any time.