A fear of many parents is that they won’t be able to maintain their relationship with their kids after separation. The answer is that most parents are able to maintain strong relationships with their kids after separation. In fact, some are able to strengthen their relationships with their kids because they are focused solely on their children when they are with them.
It can be a challenge, but here are some ideas:
1. Use Zoom
This is a free internet-based video conferencing system. All that’s required is high-speed internet access and a webcam (they aren’t expensive) on each computer. It’s almost like being in the same room and is especially good with younger children.
2. Use email, texting, Facebook or whatever system your child may be using
Even a brief text message exchange can make you both feel connected, but don’t interfere with your ex-spouse’s time with the children.
3. Schedule regular telephone calls
They may be brief, but they keep you connected.
4. Be present
Go to your child’s extracurricular activities as much as possible, including their hockey practices and games, music recitals, dance lessons and school field trips. Even if you don’t speak to your child during or after the event, it will show him or her that you care and give you something to talk about next time they are in your care.
5. Focus on your kids
Keep your own activities to a minimum so you can really pay attention to your kids when they are with you. If you have some chores to do, do them with your kids.
6. Grocery shop & cook with the kids
Grocery shopping and cooking with kids can be fun and give them good life lessons.
7. Include your kids' friends
As your children get older, their friends will become more important. Invite your kids’ friends to do activities with you and your kids. Bring them on vacations with you or weekend camping trips. If you isolate your children from their friends, they won’t want to spend time with you.
8. Don't smother them
Teenagers are supposed to push back. Don’t smother them. Let them become more independent and responsible. It’s normal and healthy.
9. Be the adult
Don’t share your own emotional struggles. Let your children focus on being kids. If you need to speak to someone about your own issues, get your own Divorce Lawyer or Coach.
10. Don’t get into arguments with your ex-spouse in front of the children
They will resent you even if you are in the right. Either discuss issues with your ex when the kids aren’t around or are asleep, or use email so the kids won’t see or hear it. Some parents exchange a parenting journal when exchanging children. It contains important information about the children and helps in dialogue about important parenting issues.
11. Spend as much time with your children as possible
If you can avoid the use of babysitters or daycare, do it. If you can’t care for your children for a longer period of time, offer the extra time to your ex-spouse to care for them instead of using a babysitter.