Divorce can be scary and sad for everyone involved, including the kids. Check out what parenting lessons Brian learned while he navigated the road of his divorce.
Lessons Learned
1
Kids Enjoy Two Holidays
Kids enjoy having two Christmases, two Easters, two Thanksgivings, two sets of summer holidays! Support your kids having fun during special holidays with their other parent.
2
Celebrate Holidays on Any Day
December 26th is just as good as December 25th to celebrate Christmas.
3
Resolve Issues Quickly
Get the issues resolved as fast as possible so you can focus on your kids. Unresolved issues can distract you from being the best parent you can be.
4
Embrace Digital Communication
Cell phones, email, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat and texting are good ways to keep in touch with your kids, depending on their age. Get with it!
5
Kids Act Out, It’s Normal
When the kids act out, it may not be related to the divorce. Kids act out!
6
Kids May Manipulate, Stay United
Kids will play one parent off against the other. Keep the communication open with your spouse. Don’t assume your kids are constantly communicating things accurately.
7
Communicate Directly With Schools
Get information from the school directly. Give the teacher and principal self-addressed stamped envelopes to make it easy for them to send home newsletters and other information. Try to get their email addresses, too.
8
Stay in the Loop With Coaches and Others
Get information directly from coaches and others involved in your kids’ lives. Make sure you are on their email lists.
9
Learn the School Bus Rules
School buses have odd rules. If you want your kids to use the bus for both homes, then make sure you learn the rules and live close to your ex.
10
Kids Are Resilient
Kids are resilient to change. Lots of their friends will have parents who have gone through a divorce. In the long term, it’s not a huge deal.
11
Therapy Is a Gift
Get your kid a therapist so they have someone to talk to about issues. Some may be related to the divorce, others may not. It’s a nice gift for your kids.
12
Do Activities Together
Find activities you and your kids can do together.
13
Don't Share Separation Details
The kids shouldn’t be told about the causes of the separation. It’s none of their business and, in fact, can cause them emotional harm.
14
Don't Argue in Front of the Kids
Don’t argue in front of the kids with your ex-spouse. Take it to another room, or do it through email or on the phone. Your kids will thank you!
15
Share Info With Your Ex-Spouse
Provide your spouse with all the information about your kids you would want your spouse to provide to you, even if they don’t reciprocate.
16
Be Present, Kids Grow Fast
Kids grow up fast. When you have them in your care, focus on them. Soon, they will be off on their own canoe camping trips with their girlfriend!
17
Respect Builds Co-Parenting Success
Co-parenting may be difficult at first, but keep trying. Divorce lawyers can help with this. Always respect your ex’s right to make their own decisions and keep the communication open. Over time, it will get better.
18
Teach Respect for the Other Parent
Teach your kids to respect your ex-spouse. Moreover, get them to give cards and gifts to your ex-spouse for Christmas, a birthday, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day.
19
Start New Traditions
Create new traditions and new memories.
20
Don’t Trash Talk the Other Parent
Don’t ever put the other parent down in front of the children. Also, don’t support the kids putting the other parent down either.
21
Consistent Rules Help, But Be Flexible
It’s helpful to have the same rules in both houses, but it isn’t always possible.
22
Don't Try to Control the Other Home
Don’t try to control what is going on in the other parent’s home.
23
Let Kids Talk About Their Other Home
Let your kids talk about life in your ex-spouse’s home. All in all, they just want to share with you their life, and that includes time spent with the other parent.
24
Be Accepting of New Partners
Be accepting of new partners. They may spend a lot of time with your kids, and you want this person to be good to your kids.
25
You Can't Be Replaced, Relax
Your ex-spouse’s new partner will not replace you. Relax. You aren’t threatened by your kids’ teacher, and they spend more time with your kids than the new partner will spend with them, so relax.