How a Respectful Process Made Room for Creative Solutions
The Collaborative Process offers couples a way to resolve issues respectfully, without the emotional and financial toll of court. It encourages open communication, builds mutual understanding, and allows for creative solutions that wouldn't be available through litigation. John and Sally’s story, drawn from real experiences, shows how Collaborative Family Law can help.
Background Summary
Length of marriage: 18 years
Children: Two teenagers
Employment: Both John and Sally earned similar, stable incomes
Primary issue: Division of property and debt
Although their relationship had broken down, John and Sally agreed that going to court was not the right path. John came to us for representation, and Sally hired her own Collaboratively trained lawyer. They committed to working through their separation using the Collaborative Process.
Parenting Was Not in Dispute
The children had strong relationships with both parents. They were already spending time in both homes, and there were no disagreements over custody or parenting time. The real challenge was the division of assets and debts.
Getting Started
At the first four-way meeting, both parties signed a Participation Agreement. Immediate issues were addressed, and both sides began gathering documentation about their financial situation at the date of marriage and at the date of separation.
Managing Emotions Productively
John had initiated the separation and felt guilty. Sally was blindsided and deeply hurt. These emotional differences had the potential to derail progress, so both lawyers recommended working with a Family Specialist.
The Family Specialist helped John and Sally:
- Understand and manage emotional triggers
- Communicate more effectively
- Separate emotional processing from legal negotiation
- Save time and money by keeping lawyer meetings focused
The Family Specialist also reminded them that this process was about creating fair outcomes, not revisiting past hurts.
The Inheritance Issue
John had received an inheritance during the marriage, but it had been spent on family expenses. Legally, because it was not kept separate or used to purchase a specific asset, it could not be excluded from the property division.
John was upset when he learned this. The meeting ended without resolution. After speaking with the Family Specialist, he returned with a new outlook and accepted the legal reality. Sally, moved by John’s openness, chose to recognize his contribution and offered a small adjustment to the settlement. This type of flexibility would not have been allowed in court, but the Collaborative Process made it possible.
Household Items, Handled with Humour
During the next meeting, the focus shifted to dividing household items. The lawyers kept things light, using humour to ease tension. At one point, John joked that their bed was in great condition since only one person had used it for two years and it had only ever been used for sleep before that. Everyone laughed, including Sally.
While some disagreements still surfaced, the lighter mood helped both parties stay grounded and move forward.
Sentimental Items and Mutual Consideration
Some possessions had sentimental value, which made dividing them difficult. Sally was especially generous. She remembered that John’s inheritance had gone toward shared expenses, and she also expected an inheritance of her own in the near future that she would not have to share. This mutual understanding helped both parties compromise.
Clarifying the Financial Picture
A Financial Specialist had already met with John and Sally to collect statements, clarify debts, and prepare the financial groundwork. They reviewed:
- Bank accounts
- Credit card balances
- RRSPs and pensions
- Household debts
- Assets at marriage and separation
The family home had already been sold and the proceeds divided, so it was no longer an issue. Sally’s pension needed a formal valuation, and John’s small business also required assessment.
Valuing the Business Fairly
John and Sally hired a Certified Business Valuator together, agreeing that:
- The valuator would remain neutral
- No formal written report would be provided
- A verbal explanation would be shared instead to reduce costs
This avoided the expensive and often combative process of hiring two competing valuators. The valuator walked both parties through the methodology. Sally, who had not been involved in the business, appreciated hearing the details directly. Both parties accepted the conclusions.
Reaching a Settlement
Once the valuations were complete, a final meeting was held to pull everything together. With a full picture of assets and debts, John and Sally reached an agreement.
Business Ownership: John - Retained
Pension: Sally - Retained
Joint Debts: John - Debt split equally / Sally - Took a loan to cover part
They also agreed that:
- Neither would pay child support, since they earned similar incomes and shared parenting time equally
- Children’s expenses would be shared equally
- All parenting communication would be handled by email
The Final Step
At the final meeting, a draft Separation Agreement was reviewed and signed. A few minor revisions were made, and the agreement was finalized. The meeting ended with a quiet celebration, champagne and orange juice, as both parties reflected on the progress they had made.
Outcome
John and Sally avoided a courtroom battle, saved thousands in legal fees, and preserved their ability to co-parent respectfully. Most importantly, the process reduced conflict and helped them model cooperation and maturity for their children.
Their story shows that when couples choose to work together, even in difficult circumstances, a peaceful and respectful outcome is possible.